TRAMUA ASSOCIATED WITH A SERV ICE EXPERIENCE

Photography by Lilia Sciarretti Photo + Film

Oh, The Trauma…

I know this is not something we enjoy talking about, but I really feel like we should.

I’m talking about trauma associated with a bad service experience or should we say unmet expectations.

Being in the service world myself, I’m hyper sensitive and aware that trauma associated with a bad service experience is indeed thing. I’ve made it my personal mission to be very sensitive and listen to the needs of my individual clients to ensure that I am not cultivating a bad experience or expounding upon a previously traumatic experience. Through that sensitivity, I focus my efforts on making sure that I am setting forth an opportunity for us to dive in fresh, and provide the client with what they need, which in my case would be style service.

The reason this is important to me is because I know this is something that many experience, yet we really don’t enjoy talking about it. I can actually pinpoint a specific traumatic service experience I had that altered my perspective for years…I was fresh out of high school, and I decided to dye my hair blonde. Annnnnndddd it did not go well, guys. That experience impacted me so significantly that I vowed that I would not get my hair colored ever again. Those internal vows. Boy am I thankful for time and healing..as it was just two years ago that I got my hair colored again for the first time. And yesterday, I opted for some fresh blonde. yasss.

So mind you, twelve whole years had passed before I was able to move forward from that experience. Through personal reflection, I realized I was allowing trauma residue from the bad experience to really affect how I was moving forward with my choices in terms of haircare. In thinking about my own experience and how that trauma lingered with me, I wanted to share a couple of things that I have learned along the way that might help you to move forward too.

Step one: be honest.

Be honest about the service and how it made you feel, and don’t try to diminish what you’re feeling! For the longest time I used to just say, “I’m really picky, I’m just really picky.” And yes, I actually am quite picky, but the reality of the matter is that I had an expectation and that expectation wasn’t met, and I don’t have to downplay that. I can be honest about how I’m feeling, which brings me to point number two.

Step two: talk to your service provider.

Don’t be afraid to talk to your service provider about the missed expectation and try to really work through that rather than leaning on our natural response which is usually to just turn and run the other way. As humans, we tend to avoid talking about uncomfortable things. But, the issue with that approach is it doesn’t allow us to heal. If anything, that makes the experience worse. For a lack of better words, the wound becomes an open sore every time you think about. So be open enough to have that conversation with your service provider, and just chat openly, candidly, and kindly about what you were hoping to get versus what you experienced. Be willing to have a conversation about that so you can move forward. Even if you choose not utilize the service again, you can still move forward in a positive way and not carry the residue of that trauma.

Step three: Assess the landscape moving forward.

Lastly, I think it’s really important to take a moment and assess the landscape when you’re looking for new service providers Based on what you’ve experienced, allow this to empower you to seek out the information you need to move forward in a calculated way. Don’t be afraid to ask that service provider questions before deciding to book with them. I actually think this is one of the most important things you can do in this type of situation (in fact, Brittany, my hairdresser, encourages this!). If you’re not able to assess the landscape at a high level, take the recommendation of a trusted friend, one that you know will give you great honest feedback about an individual, and move forward in that way.

At this point, I’m rambling… I just wanted to share all of this to say that it’s ok to share how deeply something like a service experience has impacted you. It happens! I know this to be particularly truthful in the African American community…our stories with hair. Again, been there countless times.

While your experience is very much real, the biggest thing is to not let it stain you forever to where you’re not able to move forward with an open mind in a way that is healing and cleansing. We all deserve to have our realistic expectations met when it comes to service, and I hope these steps give you an idea of how to move forward, to have hope in discovery and trust once again.

Here’s to real talk. We need more of this. Hugs to you gals.