From Further To Remain

Life

Jul 16

Date

July 15, 2021

time

Late afternoon

Place

On the couch, with Roosevelt

As usual, yet another month is flying by. July began and I feel that things are moving over 100 mph, which is really interesting as I usually find July to be a quiet month. Not the case this year and I believe that is a direct result of our wild COVID year. Maybe it is just me, but it feels like we are trying to play catchup or make up for the lost time we had in 2020. Or maybe this consistent level of busyness is just the norm now. I don’t know, but I do know I am tired!

With July usually being a touch quieter, I like to dedicate this month to what I call a “Half Yearly Reset.” Rather than waiting until December to start thinking of the changes I want to make, I like to carve out some time to take inventory in my life and begin the work of making those changes. It’s that idea of building a lifestyle/mindset to live from, rather than just another year of habits, so to speak. Establishing a continued practice or state of being.

In the weeks leading up to Half Yearly Reset, I felt myself living in an old wineskin. Anxious always, back to working 24/7, bolting from one place to another, the feeling of never being accomplished, and so on. Now granted, I am a busy gal, but there’s a difference when your busyness feels managed and in control vs. when it is NOT in control. As I reflected on the feelings and the tiredness I had been experiencing, I realized that I was having an emotional relapse, if you will. Caught up in the busyness and for me, that always comes back to CONTROL, which then communicates a whole other slew of Candace issues, but we’ll save that for another day.

At the beginning of this year, I felt strongly that FURTHER was my word for the year. To really go the distance and while I’ve gone the distance, it dawned on me that I’ve been going the distance in my own strength. Going the distance in my own strength has allowed me to approach the walls of burnout and exhaustion. Going the distance in my own strength has left me defeated in a few areas of my life, lacking creativity or even the desire to simply be present. Going further has left me distant, stressed, and impatient. Going further has found me back at the steps of striving for perfection, yet failing, because even I am not living up to the standards I have given myself.

It’s funny how God knows when we are reaching the ends of ourselves. How He knows the exact moment of when we will cry out for Him. That moment when we are up to our eyeballs in the pools of water that we have personally created, He is so kind to throw us a life raft. To save us from ourselves. To bring us back to ground zero. To give us a fresh start. As I began drowning in my own personal mess of going further, God threw me a life raft in the form of a word and it was, REMAIN. I know, I know. Remain? Yes, remain.

A few weeks ago, I was listening to a sermon from The Belonging Co by Pastor Alex Seely entitled, “Remember This One Thing.” The sermon was focused around a beautiful passage of scripture from John 15 that speaks about the one thing Jesus desires above all else and that is to REMAIN. Shortly after listening to the podcast, I found myself listening to it once more with Jason en route to New Buffalo, MI. As I took time to disconnect and recharge during our time away, through reading, reflecting, and prayer, I felt the word REMAIN continuously piercing my heart. From words I heard to things I read, the idea of abiding was something I kept happening upon, which no longer made it a coincidence, but rather a nudging from the Holy Spirit. Also, perhaps what spoke the most to me was that the words further and remain could not be more different…in fact, remaining is nearly the exact opposite of going further.

Without sharing my entire revelation with you in this one journal entry here on the blog, I just wanted to share a few things:

1. Taking the time to do inventory in your life, beyond the annual reset at the start of each year is good, healthy and normal. Do it.
2. Make time and space to refresh and renew. Taking inventory is great, but you need time and space to refresh. To put into practice.
3. And lastly, it’s ok to REMAIN. I know this is a word for me personally, but I do feel that it is something we can all grab ahold off. We don’t have to be consistently doing and trying to make things happen in our strength. If we simply remain, His plan will reveal itself. We just have to find contentment in remaining.

Together, let’s make a commitment. To be where our feet are. Let’s remain.