MARRIAGE: Moving Beyond Contracts & Scorecards

Life

Nov 2

Date

11.01.23

time

8:30 PM

Place

The Living Room

MARRIAGE.

We’re diving into something deep today, gals: marriage. This topic is a bit of a departure from our typical blog content, but it’s something that’s very close to my heart. My husband and I have been married for ten years, and I’m still learning every day! After spending time at a conference last month, I feel compelled to share with you some of the things I’ve learned and am continuing to learn.

Marriage is a covenant relationship, not a contractual relationship.

If you’ve ever wondered why keeping score between partners feels like an uphill battle, you aren’t alone. Our world today is ruled by transactions and contracts, and when our minds are consumed by this structure, the sanctity and blessing of marriage often get lost. But here’s the truth: marriage was never intended to be a contractual relationship. Marriage was designed to be a sacred covenant that deserves our utmost respect, dedication, and love. We see this in Ephesians 5:25, when Paul urges, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church…”

How did we shift from covenant to contract?

In so many ways, society has adopted a business-like mindset when it comes to everything, including marriage. Part of a successful business partnership is demanding equality in everything. The reality of marriage, though, is that while both partners ought to be treated equally, not everything will be truly “fair.” The fight for fairness should never come at the expense of the sacred bond of marriage. Marriage is more than just a business agreement or a contract, it’s a promise to love, cherish, honor, and support one another through every season of life.

How do we bring back this covenant perspective?

Put God in His rightful place in your marriage: first. By acknowledging God’s presence in our marriage, my husband and I are able to honor the sacredness of our bond. Knowing that we have this common priority allows us to remember that we’re on the same team.

Behind God, we prioritize our spouse. It’s so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day hustle of routines and chores, which often inadvertently puts our spouse on the back burner. When we acknowledge that we are in a covenant relationship with our spouse, we find renewed purpose in making a conscious effort to prioritize their needs and emotions.

We embrace each other’s imperfections. The thing about marriage is that it’s a lifelong covenant. If we’re lucky, we get to do life with this person for a long time. Throughout that time, we’ll go through so many phases and seasons together. When we choose marriage, we’re essentially choosing for a mirror to be held up in front of our faces every single day. Our spouse sees both the beautiful and the ugly things within us. Living within a marriage covenant means allowing your spouse to be imperfect, cherishing the highs together, and supporting each other through the lows.

Last but certainly not least, we have to stop keeping score. Constantly tallying who does what within a household can be both exhausting and damaging. I want to be clear, I am absolutely not discouraging conversations about how to have a fair division of labor. That is so important in the day-to-day operations of a home. Rather, I’m suggesting that we prioritize the heart posture of being willing to pick up each other’s slack rather than going tit-for-tat about each and every task. When we’re in a covenant relationship, grace and love flow freely.

Part of living within a covenant relationship means that we no longer need to measure every contribution we make, and we’re able to trust our spouse’s intentions as an act of grace, love, and mutual respect. We get to communicate openly and honestly, seeking solutions together as a team. We’re also willing to make sacrifices that benefit our relationship. When we’re both valuing the sacred bond we share and prioritizing Christ, those sacrifices feel natural and loving.

Friends, let’s focus less on the paperwork we sign on our wedding day and more on the vows we take before God. Let’s remember the covenant we’ve entered, promising to cherish and love each other through all seasons of life. When we focus on God, our spouse, and the sacredness of the commitment we’ve made, we get to pack away the scorecards and remove the burden of constantly measuring output. Taking this perspective allows us to breathe new life into our relationships. Our marriages are worth it, I promise you that!