HOW TO MAINTAIN YOUR CALM DURING THESE FINAL HOLIDAYS

Dec 15

Date

12.15.22

time

8:30 AM

Place

Home Office

HOLIDAY BOUNDARIES.

I’m sure I’m not alone in this… but I often find the December calendar to be stressful! While most of us absolutely love the holidays, spending time with family and friends can add a layer of tension for a lot of people. As I have delved into the journey of learning about myself and learning to better love others, I’ve been able to find small ways that pack a big punch in maintaining my sense of calm during these final holidays. It is my hope that you have the most delightful holiday; so with that in mind, I wanted to share some tips I’ve learned along the way that have helped me:

No. 1: Be honest about your capacity.

Set yourself up for success by taking some time to really reflect on the capacity you have leading up to the holidays. How much time can you realistically spend with people before you’re feeling depleted and need a recharge? This looks different for everyone, and can vary season to season! Be very honest about this, so that you can plan festivities and parties and get-togethers with the proper mindset.

No. 2: Have the necessary conversations with people.

Boundaries are the name of the game during the holidays. Have those conversations with your spouse, your boyfriend or girlfriend, or your other family members about what you’re able to offer during the holiday season. Can you offer to bring one dish to a get-together, as long as you know a week or so ahead of time? That’s great! Have that conversation so someone isn’t telling you twelve hours before that you’re responsible for bringing three pies. Maybe there are conversations that pop up frequently during the holidays that you do not want to participate in. Set that boundary ahead of time so your loved ones aren’t expected to read your mind or guess what you’re feeling. Tell them that if this specific topic comes up, you’ll have to remove yourself from the conversation in order to maintain your sense of holiday calm and happiness. Being able to advocate for yourself isn’t always easy, but is always rewarding!

No. 3: Remember that you can only control you.

Don’t spend time trying to create an environment where you are in total control. When we do this, we’re setting ourselves up to fail. There are too many factors involved in the holidays with family and friends to be able to manufacture scenarios which we have absolute control over. The best way I’ve found to keep this in mind is to love your people where they’re at, and lower those expectations, so you can actually enjoy the holidays. I heard a great analogy from Lysa Terkeurst about the disappointment that comes with holding people to unrealistic expectations. She talks about how the space between our expectations and our reality is where the dysfunction happens. So, if someone is meeting me at a level three responsibility, but I’m given them level ten access, the space between three and ten is where the disappointment happens. If I can lower my expectations to a level three and meet them where they are, we’ll be on a level playing field and can enjoy spending time together.

And there you have it! I know…a smidge easier said than done. But what things really boil down to is being honest with yourself and the people in your life. Take it from a continually recovering perfectionist and people pleaser. I understand this is not an easy one. This is something we have to put into practice over years. We’re not just going to “get it” that first year, but if we’re diligently doing the work throughout various moments in our lives, we’ll be able to enjoy the true magic of Christmas with freedom and boundaries.

I hope these insights help you go into these final holidays of the year with a clear heart and mind, equipped with the tools to maintain your sense of calm.

Cheers my dear one.