It’s Day 60.
In early December, I began to feel a tug on my heart to do something that I did not want to do…a shopping fast. I tried to ignore the unction, but it was that feeling that was lingering. One day, I received a box in the mail for myself and was unsure of what it was…it was a pair of sneakers I had ordered for myself and had completely forgotten about them. In that moment, I knew the unction was more than just a feeling, but something I needed to act on.
I found myself in a very similar situation about 5 years ago. It was right after Jason and I got married and I had a lot of discontentment. I was very much in love with Jason and happy about the decision to get married, but I was unhappy with where we living, my career (I was unsure of what the heck I was doing), etc. As a means to make myself happy, I was doing a lot of shopping. A candle here, a blouse there…I was always buying something to give me temporary happiness. Needless to say, it wasn’t working, as I had not addressed the root issue…so I embarked on a 90 day shopping fast. Some of the hardest days of my life, but I endured. And I learned a lot about myself. Perhaps one of the most profound being that when I choose to, I truly can control my FLESH. Since that fast, so much has changed in my life. And it has all been for the better!
This past Fall, I found myself developing a little habit…a little over purchasing if you will. My once-in-awhile self splurges were becoming more routine. Between New York Fashion Week and other things on the calendar, I was building a list of reasons why I needed this, why I need that, etc. And this list extended beyond clothing…it was manicures, blowouts, beauty products, etc. While according to society’s standards, I wasn’t out of control, in some capacity I felt that way. So here we are on Day 6- and I’ve only had a few moments of weakness, but overall I’m feeling good about the progress I’ve made. It’s been amazing to remind myself that I CAN CONTROL MY FLESH. I don’t have to react every time I see something I want and that I can prioritize what I actually need. This process has given me the opportunity to rediscover things I once loved but forgot about. It has helped me define what I need/what I actually want. And lastly, it has reminded me, just because I can do something, doesn’t mean I should…there should always be thoughtful consideration behind everything we do.
As my 60 days come to a close, I have got a fresh list of Spring must haves, as well as a list of things I want to continue rediscovering and giving new life to. In my experience, saying NO for a season has always yielded a fruitful harvest in the future. I’m not 100% sure what God is up to, but I trust that He has something planned down the road that would not have been possible to achieve without this season of pruning and saying no…to myself.
I am not sure who needed to hear this, but I hope it inspires you to move forward and to listen to that still quiet voice that lives within all of us.